How to know you’re from Texas

You know that you’re from Texas if you know these things already:

• Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
• Roadrunners don’t say “Beep Beep”
• There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live inTexas.
• There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live inTexas, plus a couple�no one’s seen before.
• Possums will eat anything.
• Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
• If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.
• Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
• There are valid reasons some people put concertina wire around their house.
• You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner to corner.
• A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle, they do get stuck.
• The wind blows at 90 MPH from Oct. 2 until June 25, then it stops totally until Oct 2.
• Onced and Twiced are good words.
• It is not a shopping cart it is a buggy.
• Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
• Graduating 1st in your class means you left in the 8th grade.
• “Coldbeer” actually is one word.
• People really grow and eat okra.
• Green grass DOES burn.
• When you live in the country, you don’t have to buy a dog. City people drop�them off at your gate in the middle of the night.
• When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it’s time to go to the doctor.
• “Fixinto” is one word.
• The word dinner is confusing. There’s only lunch and then there’s supper.
• Backards and forards means I know everything about you.
• “Je’eet”? is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”
• You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
• You measure distance in minutes.
• You’ve had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
• Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.
• You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe hunting” is.
• You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Picante.
• You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
• You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
• You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
• You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
• There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population over 1000.
• Going to Walmart is a favorite past-time known as “goin wal-martin” or off �to “Wally World.”
• You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
• A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola, or pop .. it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
• You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends.